It is
important we get it right.
When I say “get
it right”, I don’t mean forgive and forget, love her unconditionally, or accept
her treatment of you as correct or appropriate.
“Getting it right” means to come to a place of peace when thinking about
her, that’s all. Her acceptance of us at
birth, during our growing years, and ability to release us into our own
independence darkens or illuminates the rest of our life.
A Cosmic Choice?
With Mother’s
Day right around the corner, it’s not too early to take stock of that relationship
and perform any repair work necessary to live a happier life. Perhaps we chose our mother to help us
through this lifetime, and she chose us as well. Or perhaps our pairing is simply a random act
of coincidence – a cosmic joke rather than a cosmic choice.
Ideal or Idol?
If our
mother was a June Cleaver from the 1950’s television series “Leave it to Beaver”,
then we learned positive examples of nurturing, caring, kindness and
generosity. Those lessons benefit us in
every relationship we have and our overall approach to life, personally and
professionally.
If our
mother was alcoholic, abusive, or simply absent—what positive lessons did we
learn from her brand of mothering? How
do we apply them every day of our lives both personally and
professionally? The fact that we’re here
today indicates we benefited from her challenging example. By setting such an example, we knew from
experience exactly what NOT to do when we became an independent adult. Congratulations to those of us who survived
her legacy from your path was harder, your journey mor difficult, and your
accomplishments greater.
Our Attitudes or Hers?
By this
point in our lives, most of us know the quality of our relationship with our
mothers. In case we need a refresher in
identifying the reality behind our perception of the relationship, consider the
following subjects;
·
How does our mother affect our definition of “success”?
·
Can we “have it all”, or must personal life be
sacrificed to professional life, or vice versa?· Is it acceptable to surpass her accomplishments?
· Are our ambitions and actions the result of our mother’s encouragements or a reaction to her discouragement?
· Does our definition of the role of “mother” align with hers?
Whenever we
enter a room, our mother walks in with us.
Whether she’s
wearing a smile of welcome for a new opportunity or the frown of fear of the
future largely depends on the relationship she had with her mother. Our mothers’ generation did not have the
tools we have to analyze, intellectualize, and finally come to terms with her
treatment of us.
Competition or Cooperation?
Our mother
is the first rival in our life…she competes for our father’s attention and
affection as soon as we realize there’s a difference between boys and
girls. She usually loses—or so we are
led to believe by our fathers. As we
mature, we realize she never loses, and it would not be a good thing if she
did.
Acceptance of the Agreement.
About a week
ago, one of my clients called me after reading my boo “Loving Mother…No Matter
What!” to tell me what her daughter wrote to her on her Mother’s Day card: she
thanked her mother for her presence in her life, and complimented herself for choosing my
client to be her mother. And, no, she
hadn’t read my book—but I’ll bet her mother gives it to her for her next
birthday.
Who we are
today is largely a product of our relationship with our mother. When researching my book, (“Loving Mother…No
Matter What”) I gathered stories of appreciation, resentment, abandonment,
intrusion, competition and control. Some
relationships resolved themselves in a
spirit of love and acceptance of each other, others continue in frustration and
pain, and still others long for what “might have been”.
If our
mother was “Mother Theresa” or “Mommy Dearest”, she is the other half of our
agreement with her. What if we selected
her for the lessons she would teach us about life, love and our place in the
world? When we have successfully learned
those lessons, we arrive at a place of peace—acknowledging her contribution of
our progress on this plane
Marlene George
Life, Wellness and Business Coachmgeorge@marlenegeorge.com
www.marlenegeorge.com
905-796-0101
No comments:
Post a Comment